Don’t invite me to your divorce party! I love you, but I spent enough at your wedding

I’m calling it; this is the era of the Loud Breakup. Divorced Girl Summer, anyone?

New search data from Etsy shows that Brits are getting into the breakup spirit (and burning their wedding dresses)- the e-com platform has seen a 266% increase in searches for divorce celebrations. Banners, bunting, and bracelets now come splashed with statements like ‘In My Divorced Era’, ‘Just Divorced’ and ‘You Deserve Better’. You can even get a candle that ‘Smells Like Freshly Signed Divorce Papers’, which I guess is better than Gwyneth Paltrow’s vagina.

“Making lemonade out of lemons” is—at the time of writing—the latest comment on @emrata’s Instagram post bitingly captioned “divorce rings ©️ @alisonlou” - you have to respect the simplicity of it. The post has a crisp one million likes, which is, in no small part, down to a burgeoning new trend - the Loud Breakup.

I might recoil at hen party paraphernalia (stay away from me with your penis straws), but I have to admit the idea of a divorce party is cheekily alluring. It’s giving Blu Cantrell ‘Hit ‘Em Up Style’, it’s giving Lizzo ‘Truth Hurts’, heck, there’s even a whiff of Jojo in there (Leave, Get Out!). I am here for it.

That said, don’t invite me to your divorce party.

I am not a hopeless romantic; I’m a jaded realist at best, but if I’ve spent £419 on your wedding—which is the average guest cost according to data from Experian—and £779 on your hen party (if it was in the UK, research from Aviva shows it goes up to £1,208 if it’s abroad), I’m tapping out a divorce present, though know I am rooting for you.

Like all bad habits, I suspect this trend is trickling down from the ultra-wealthy. I might even go as far as to blame Gossip Girl (the original, of course) for popularising the concept, lest we forget the infamous Shepherd divorce, which was almost as iconic as the Shepherd wedding. Ahh, the scandalous lives of Manhattan’s elite - it’s far from over, as Emily Ratajkowski slicing her gargantuan £50k multi-carat wedding ring into two divorce rings proves. TikToker Starkissez was right when she commented under Allisonxxa’s viral divorce party post, “Being divorced sounds so rich”.

@allisonxxa

Divorce parties 4ever

♬ Miss You - southstar

29-year-old influencer Sabrina Philipp would disagree with me. She celebrated her 30th by throwing a Divorce Party replete with a lingerie shoot, candlelit dinner for 18, and a tiered cake dusted with the words ‘HOTTEST EX WIFE EVER’. Bittersweet indeed. Oh, and she slingshot her wedding band across the Miami harbour; “I had my friend Andrew act as the ring bearer to present me with my ring and the slingshot. Slingshotting the ring was definitely emotional. But cathartic”, says Phillip. The whole thing cost $30k (approximately £24k).

I suppose I can’t disagree with Bianca’s comment, “I wish my parents did this instead of one of them getting arrested,” but there is something to be said about the humble divorce. #DivorceParties currently has 36.4 million views on TikTok, and as Bumble Sex and Relationship Expert Dr Caroline West puts it: “The era of vague ‘conscious uncoupling’ announcements made popular by the likes of Gwyneth and Chris is over. In its place, we’re seeing the rise of the ‘loud breakup’”.

West says it’s mainly women driving this trend and feeling “empowered to embrace their single status and be more open about the end of a relationship.” For Phillip, she says that after a long and difficult divorce process, it was important to celebrate the completion of one chapter and the beginning of another. “I’ve spent a lot of time healing, and for me, this party was living.”

Female empowerment is a hill I will die on, but when seen through the lens of aesthetically pleasing parties, champagne towers and lavish holidays, it makes me wonder if divorce is set to become the next status symbol like the diamond ring before it?

Research from Bumble shows that in the UK alone, more than one in three people surveyed have recently ended a marriage or serious relationship. Will these people feel pressured to turn every occasion into a parade on social media, and if so, at what *literal* cost? A report by Aviva in 2018 found that the average cost of divorce in the UK was about £14,561, but Ann Robinson, head of Family Law at Blacks Solicitors, says once you get into financial remedy proceedings, the cost can exceed £100,000. Eeesh.

Etsy Trend Expert Dayna Isom Johnson notes that marking milestone events can bring comfort; “life after a big breakup can be seen as something to celebrate and look forward to, and we’re clearly seeing a rise of these attitudes.” Phillip says the shame around divorce is archaic and inherently misogynistic. She wants women to know that there’s no such thing as a failed marriage.

It’s brilliant that divorce is less of a social stigma, and given that I’m neither married nor divorced, the diplomatic response would be “do whatever is right for you”. Just don’t expect me to fork out for your divorce party.